Why women shop. A lot.

If you are here you were quite possibly looking for ways to end your shopping addiction, or just to understand it? In this first post about this topic, I address the why. Read the how to STOP SHOPPING post.

Why do we women shop?. This is a list compiled from my own experience, friends and people I have known through the years. These are what I have considered the key reasons but I am open to suggestions.

Creative need: we crave beauty and beautiful things. We have a “sweet tooth” for pretty things, for colors, shapes and contrasts. Our seventh sense is that of aesthetics (since our six is for understanding those from Mars) and this sense must be feed periodically. Jade’s blog, cravinganthropologie had me do some serious thinking about this.

Anthropologie is one of those places that I visit to get my “fix” of beauty but buy nothing from, always leaves a void of “all those pretty things I want but should not buy”. Yet I keep visiting because something is better than nothing. This store is a trip to my grandmother’s house, Alice’s Wonderland, a help-Africa recycling project and a girl at home popurry. Here are a few observations you might identify with:

So Saturday morning we wake up and realize it is time for a “pimp my ride” session, and me, myself and I are the ride. This is a case where we consider ourselves the canvas that we can use to get creative about, buying that necklace that matches the blouse…and the body.

Would we be satisfied simply arranging accessories and not buying them? Although there is certainly a satisfaction to this, buying the item feels like the signature on an oil painting, the culminating event and final touch of the masterpiece we created. You cant just paint and not sign, you must buy.

Anxiety: This is similar to eating when you are anxious about work you are doing, about a personal issue, anything you cannot find an immediate resolution to. This leads to the next point, procrastination. But before let me note that plenty of actresses are compulsive shoppers, among many reasons out of anxiety and possibly work related stress. Also, women from low income families spend great amount of time and money (considering their financial status) shopping. Of course it is not at brand stores they go to shop. Instead they go to Ross, Walmart, Target..you name it. Anxieties of a different kind hit this group, and they find relief on buying a lot of many cheap things.

Procrastination: We all know about procrastination, it is that self deceiving process you undergo when you must do X but instead you find a million tasks to complete before you even attempt doing X. Some of us become such creative procrastinators that we manage to accomplish inhuman amounts of work while on the run from X. It is not surprising that shopping is sometimes another escape for procrastination, surely an effective one since it could extend for hours.

That guilt feeling: How many times you go to the store and pick a few pretty shirts but on the way to the cashier….guilt grabs you and makes you put them down and away? We hold them in your hands until the last minute, and hope guilt doesn’t strike. Guilt to spend more money, guilt to spend on those overpriced jeans we love, guilt to not be able to control ourselves, guilt, guilt. What do we do about guilt? We bring our girl friends over to help dissipate our guilty sensation, “why not buy if they are buying?,” “She just told me to get that purple blouse,” “I must treat myself”.

Just a social thing: Stores are another place to “hang out” just like a mall is. You share likes and dislikes about the items you find, or get your friend to tell you how amazing that dress looks on you. It becomes a female bonding experience.

If shopping has become a problem for you, don’t feel bad, just do something about it, now. Read my post about how to stop for suggestions.

Author’s notes: This post is a result of me obsessing lately about why we are drawn to buy this or the other. Having been raised in a country (Cuba) where there was no window shopping, little commerce and complete lack of advertisement, shopping is still a constantly evolving theme in my life. I am afraid that my cold eye as an outsider will soon run out so I must make note of this which I see.

Free yourself from that shopping addiction

If you have doubts about being addicted to shopping there is a good chance you are one. This is one step closer to solving your problem, becoming informed.

Before you read this post, I suggest you read my previous one about why we shop.
Are you unhappy about a relationship? Are you overworking yourself so that you need to have a lot of “I deserve that” moments? Even if you can afford it, shopping can rarely bring a lasting comforting feeling, it is a quick fix. Still, you shop.

To help you get a quick glance at how your emotions are affecting your shopping, try Mint.com. This site has a great little tool to let you see shopping trends: how was much was spent on food vs clothing stores? You could start by entering your credit card information at the minimum, and Mint will automatically categorize expenses for you and show you a chart! You can also see how you compare to other people in your area.

So really, what should you do?

1) Confide, share, help others!: Before you begin this journey you need to figure out how you will document it, because this will be one of the accomplishments you are most proud off once your problem is solved. This will also help others follow your steps so that they can help themselves.
To help you bring some order to your chaos, this notebook layout will help you organize yourself.

2) Photography & Crafts: a hobby that engages your visual sense can help you satisfy a need to buy pretty things, pretty clothes, accessories, etc. You could also try any type of art, and if you do believe you have a great sense of fashion, start your own business! At etsy.com you can find many women who are selling their fashion creations with great success.

3)“Walletless” shopping: I have done this before and it works. Having to return to the store to buy the item you saw yesterday will make it more difficult for you to shop.

4) Create a Blast bank account: Regardless of the bank accounts you have now, create two bank accounts, one for savings, and …listen to this, the other you can call Blast, and you will use to have a good time and spend as you want. This will keep you from shopping starvation while keeping you within budget AND saving. I came across this idea in the best seller Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker and have tried it myself! There is a great summary article about the book here.

5) Watch less TV, but less fashion magazines: This is crucial. TV is often a way to let yourself be influenced by OTHERS, what they think you should be buying, and yes, how you should look too. This is no news to you, you have heard this many times.
A few days ago I was shocked to hear from a friend that her 4 years old daughter thought she was not pretty because she was not wearing make-up! This is scary, and thankfully some organizations such as the loveyourbody are addressing it for good.

Feel free to send me your own suggestions, WHAT WORKED FOR YOU?

Credits

Beach girl photo by Laura Hertzfeld http://flickr.com/photos/leh